Crucible of Godhood
*This post will likely get added to in the future. I've had it in my drafts for several months but I've realized it probably won't ever get finished, so I might as well publish it.
I recently gave a talk in church. During the preparation of the talk a phrase came to mind as I pondered the challenges of being a parent. The phrase is the title of this post, "Crucible of Godhood"
Like most Christians--all as far as I'm aware--members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe we, that is all humans on this planet, are children of a loving Heavenly Father. We may refer to him as God the Father. We, as Latter-day Saints, also believe there is a Heavenly Mother, although much of the scriptural references have been lost over the millennia.
Personally I believe the limited references to women in the scriptures are partly due to the patriarchal-oriented society of the middle-east, including the Hebrew culture. I also believe we might have more references to women if scriptures had not been lost or changed over the millennia. Think about this from an adversarial perspective. If you want to diminish the value of women, one step would be to eliminate or change as many positive scriptural references as you can. Over the centuries and millennia those changes would creep in and effectively lower the perceived value of the daughters of God.
I'm getting off topic.
Prior to coming to this mortal realm we lived with our heavenly parents. While we can't begin to understand the true nature of God, we do know our Heavenly Father loves us and wants the best for us. God wants us to develop godlike attributes, to become more like our Savior and more like our Father.
We know this live is a fleeting and temporarily existence when compared to the vastness of eternity. Receiving a physical body is one primary purpose of this live. We don't understand how or why, since a spirit seems to be more free than the mortal body we experience. However, there is something about the body that completes the spirit, particularly after resurrection. And when shed of it's mortality, the resurrected body with it's reunited spirit seem to have greater capacity than either on their own.
So what does any of this have to do with the topic?
If a big purpose of life is to learn to become like God, then we need to have experiences that teach us the nature of God. Experiences that can be painful, and also those provide great joy. Disappointments and immense satisfaction. Grief and happiness.
We need to learn the value of justice and mercy, faith, hope, and Godlike love known in the scriptures as charity.
We need to learn how pride, hate, envy, and anger not only depreciate our potential for greatness, but also negatively affect others. We need to learn to control our negative emotions and channel our energies to those emotions that lift us and others up to higher ground. We must learn to temper our passions and to control our bodies, rather than letting our bodies control us.
We need to learn patience, long suffering, and be more kindly to others. And not just in our actions, but in our words and our thoughts as well.
We need to learn the value of sacrifice, which isn't to simply give up something. The value of real sacrifice is to give up something good for something better. Often that "something better" is only a hope, and a trust that things will be better, and will work out for the best.
We need to learn that we don't know everything and we need to be humble, teachable, and willing to admit when we are wrong and to do and be better. We need to be more willing to reach out and help others, even if we don't have the answers.
We need to learn to persevere through our challenges, set backs, and difficulties.
Excellence does not come from doing only what is expected of us, but from reaching out of our comfort zones to do more and be more than how we started out.
Becoming more godlike does not happen from simply following the letter of the law, but being able to follow the spirit of the law as well.
A crucible is container in which various substances are subjected to intense heat. Often made of metal, ceramic or porcelain-like material, metals or other substances are often mixed in together and very high temperatures are applied. The end result is to create a new substance or material.
A crucible can also refer to the severe test, or "a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crucible).
While there are many experiences that can provide crucible-like change in our lives, I believe becoming a parent--and learning to be a good parent--is the crucible of godhood.
Becoming a father or a mother is an experience that lasts for the rest of your life. It changes your life, hopefully for the better, and that changes continues to work on you throughout your life.
There are times when the intense pressure of being a father (or in my wife's case a mother) is overwhelming, and you feel like a failure. There is rarely any "down time" as circumstances change frequently. The only constant in being a parent is change.
I got married in my mid-thirties. Others of my age are seeing their children in high school, graduating, going on missions, attending college, and even getting married. Some are even becoming grandparents. Instead of these experiences, my oldest is still in elementary school
I certainly had some great experiences as a single person, but I had known for a number of years that my progression had sort of stagnated, plateaued if you will. I was still becoming a better person, so there was progression, but I felt is wasn't as much as it could be.
Then I finally found a wonderful woman who consented to be be wife. And we had a child. Then a second. At this time we have four children.
Life has more activity and involvement and change than I expected. There are frequent challenges to my normally patient personality.
Instead of just me, it's now six of us.
All of those experiences (and more) I mentioned earlier that we need to learn to become more godlike have happened and happen on a regular basis. I'm hoping I'm becoming better, but there are times I wonder because I frequently see how short I fall from where I would like to be.
There are so many experiences I have had with my wife and children that as a single person I could never have experienced, or even had approximated to any significant degree. Certainly a single person could have some similar experiences, but the experience is on a completely different level when you are married and have children. The experiences as a husband and father are many times more meaningful and profoundly affecting.
Yes, being single does provide personal freedom. Your life is yours. You don't have the chaos and often unpredictability that comes with children.
But, the single person is missing out. The sad part is most of those who choose to remain single don't realize it, nor do they understand it.
It's like our two-year old who has decided that piece of brown stuff we offer him isn't any good. No amount of coaxing can get him to try it. In his mind he doesn't want it and it's not good. We try to tell him he's missing out. We try to show him how much we and his sibling are enjoying it. But he has decided we're wrong, we don't know what we're talking about. He doesn't want to try the yucky-looking brown stuff, he likes what he has and doesn't want to change.
It's only at a later time (usually days or weeks later) that he might venture a nibble on something different. Then he realizes he really does like the chocolate, or other yummy food we've been offering, and he wants more of it.
In a similar way, we are often too proud or too comfortable in our ways to try something new. Many singles--from my observation it used to be mainly single men but now many single women often have similar attitudes--don't want the hassles, the challenges, and perceived lack of freedom that comes from getting married and having children.
Being a parent is not easy. However, over the years I've been trying to be a good father I have caught brief glimpses of how our Heavenly Father must feel towards us, his children. His love, his patience, his long-suffering, his mercy. Even his encouragement and desire for us to become better and to do better.
This crucible we call parenthood brings in the imperfect materials that we are and the intense heat of life is applied. If we are willing, the additional substances--such as faith, hope, charity, mercy, kindness, patience, long-suffering, etc.--are slowly added in. All sorts of experiences are also added to the mixture to further test and try us. Slowly we can learn to become more godlike.
While we may think it's a slow process, I believe parenthood is a much faster and more thorough crucible through which we can learn godlike attributes than lifetimes (yes, that's plural) of being single can provide.
To those who are reading who are parents, please persevere and strive to become the best father or mother you can.
To those who are single, marriage and family definitely requires sacrifice. I know there are those who aren't single by their own choice. I didn't want to be single for as long as I was. My concern is for those who choose to be single because marriage and family, in their mind, will "crimp their style," keep them from pursuing their own personal interests and pleasure. Maybe they don't want the responsibility. Maybe they're just scared.
Whatever reason (read "excuse") the person who is choosing to be single has, it is really just based in selfishness. Any true follower of Christ, anyone who has faith in God, should be willing to put their trust in the Lord.
Marriage and family can do more to improve your self than any other pursuit. I really believe it would take several lifetimes of being single before you can really learn some the lessons you receive as a parent, mostly because a single person has no equivalent experience and substitutes aren't quite the same. That said, I do think there are some singles (mostly women) who are not in as much need of the same crucible experience as most men are to begin to bring out godlike attributes.
It is also important that you find the right person. I don't think there is a "one" right person, but there are a lot of wrong people so you do need to be selective and not just settle for what comes your way. That said, you can't just wait on the sidelines. You do need to exercise some faith and act accordingly or you will likely never find a spouse.
It's also important that you become the right person because no matter how cool the other person is, or how much you like or love them, you cannot change someone else. Only they can make changes. You need to love the person no matter their faults because it's very likely they either won't change, or it may take the rest of your lives before any change happens. If you don't like something about yourself, don't expect someone else to change it. Your change depends on you. That said, praying for a change of heart really does help. Plant the desire for change, and pray and work for it, and it will come. But in the end the change in you is dependent on you.
I recently gave a talk in church. During the preparation of the talk a phrase came to mind as I pondered the challenges of being a parent. The phrase is the title of this post, "Crucible of Godhood"
Like most Christians--all as far as I'm aware--members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe we, that is all humans on this planet, are children of a loving Heavenly Father. We may refer to him as God the Father. We, as Latter-day Saints, also believe there is a Heavenly Mother, although much of the scriptural references have been lost over the millennia.
Personally I believe the limited references to women in the scriptures are partly due to the patriarchal-oriented society of the middle-east, including the Hebrew culture. I also believe we might have more references to women if scriptures had not been lost or changed over the millennia. Think about this from an adversarial perspective. If you want to diminish the value of women, one step would be to eliminate or change as many positive scriptural references as you can. Over the centuries and millennia those changes would creep in and effectively lower the perceived value of the daughters of God.
I'm getting off topic.
Prior to coming to this mortal realm we lived with our heavenly parents. While we can't begin to understand the true nature of God, we do know our Heavenly Father loves us and wants the best for us. God wants us to develop godlike attributes, to become more like our Savior and more like our Father.
We know this live is a fleeting and temporarily existence when compared to the vastness of eternity. Receiving a physical body is one primary purpose of this live. We don't understand how or why, since a spirit seems to be more free than the mortal body we experience. However, there is something about the body that completes the spirit, particularly after resurrection. And when shed of it's mortality, the resurrected body with it's reunited spirit seem to have greater capacity than either on their own.
So what does any of this have to do with the topic?
If a big purpose of life is to learn to become like God, then we need to have experiences that teach us the nature of God. Experiences that can be painful, and also those provide great joy. Disappointments and immense satisfaction. Grief and happiness.
We need to learn the value of justice and mercy, faith, hope, and Godlike love known in the scriptures as charity.
We need to learn how pride, hate, envy, and anger not only depreciate our potential for greatness, but also negatively affect others. We need to learn to control our negative emotions and channel our energies to those emotions that lift us and others up to higher ground. We must learn to temper our passions and to control our bodies, rather than letting our bodies control us.
We need to learn patience, long suffering, and be more kindly to others. And not just in our actions, but in our words and our thoughts as well.
We need to learn the value of sacrifice, which isn't to simply give up something. The value of real sacrifice is to give up something good for something better. Often that "something better" is only a hope, and a trust that things will be better, and will work out for the best.
We need to learn that we don't know everything and we need to be humble, teachable, and willing to admit when we are wrong and to do and be better. We need to be more willing to reach out and help others, even if we don't have the answers.
We need to learn to persevere through our challenges, set backs, and difficulties.
Excellence does not come from doing only what is expected of us, but from reaching out of our comfort zones to do more and be more than how we started out.
Becoming more godlike does not happen from simply following the letter of the law, but being able to follow the spirit of the law as well.
A crucible is container in which various substances are subjected to intense heat. Often made of metal, ceramic or porcelain-like material, metals or other substances are often mixed in together and very high temperatures are applied. The end result is to create a new substance or material.
A crucible can also refer to the severe test, or "a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crucible).
While there are many experiences that can provide crucible-like change in our lives, I believe becoming a parent--and learning to be a good parent--is the crucible of godhood.
Becoming a father or a mother is an experience that lasts for the rest of your life. It changes your life, hopefully for the better, and that changes continues to work on you throughout your life.
There are times when the intense pressure of being a father (or in my wife's case a mother) is overwhelming, and you feel like a failure. There is rarely any "down time" as circumstances change frequently. The only constant in being a parent is change.
I got married in my mid-thirties. Others of my age are seeing their children in high school, graduating, going on missions, attending college, and even getting married. Some are even becoming grandparents. Instead of these experiences, my oldest is still in elementary school
I certainly had some great experiences as a single person, but I had known for a number of years that my progression had sort of stagnated, plateaued if you will. I was still becoming a better person, so there was progression, but I felt is wasn't as much as it could be.
Then I finally found a wonderful woman who consented to be be wife. And we had a child. Then a second. At this time we have four children.
Life has more activity and involvement and change than I expected. There are frequent challenges to my normally patient personality.
Instead of just me, it's now six of us.
All of those experiences (and more) I mentioned earlier that we need to learn to become more godlike have happened and happen on a regular basis. I'm hoping I'm becoming better, but there are times I wonder because I frequently see how short I fall from where I would like to be.
There are so many experiences I have had with my wife and children that as a single person I could never have experienced, or even had approximated to any significant degree. Certainly a single person could have some similar experiences, but the experience is on a completely different level when you are married and have children. The experiences as a husband and father are many times more meaningful and profoundly affecting.
Yes, being single does provide personal freedom. Your life is yours. You don't have the chaos and often unpredictability that comes with children.
But, the single person is missing out. The sad part is most of those who choose to remain single don't realize it, nor do they understand it.
It's like our two-year old who has decided that piece of brown stuff we offer him isn't any good. No amount of coaxing can get him to try it. In his mind he doesn't want it and it's not good. We try to tell him he's missing out. We try to show him how much we and his sibling are enjoying it. But he has decided we're wrong, we don't know what we're talking about. He doesn't want to try the yucky-looking brown stuff, he likes what he has and doesn't want to change.
It's only at a later time (usually days or weeks later) that he might venture a nibble on something different. Then he realizes he really does like the chocolate, or other yummy food we've been offering, and he wants more of it.
In a similar way, we are often too proud or too comfortable in our ways to try something new. Many singles--from my observation it used to be mainly single men but now many single women often have similar attitudes--don't want the hassles, the challenges, and perceived lack of freedom that comes from getting married and having children.
Being a parent is not easy. However, over the years I've been trying to be a good father I have caught brief glimpses of how our Heavenly Father must feel towards us, his children. His love, his patience, his long-suffering, his mercy. Even his encouragement and desire for us to become better and to do better.
This crucible we call parenthood brings in the imperfect materials that we are and the intense heat of life is applied. If we are willing, the additional substances--such as faith, hope, charity, mercy, kindness, patience, long-suffering, etc.--are slowly added in. All sorts of experiences are also added to the mixture to further test and try us. Slowly we can learn to become more godlike.
While we may think it's a slow process, I believe parenthood is a much faster and more thorough crucible through which we can learn godlike attributes than lifetimes (yes, that's plural) of being single can provide.
To those who are reading who are parents, please persevere and strive to become the best father or mother you can.
To those who are single, marriage and family definitely requires sacrifice. I know there are those who aren't single by their own choice. I didn't want to be single for as long as I was. My concern is for those who choose to be single because marriage and family, in their mind, will "crimp their style," keep them from pursuing their own personal interests and pleasure. Maybe they don't want the responsibility. Maybe they're just scared.
Whatever reason (read "excuse") the person who is choosing to be single has, it is really just based in selfishness. Any true follower of Christ, anyone who has faith in God, should be willing to put their trust in the Lord.
Marriage and family can do more to improve your self than any other pursuit. I really believe it would take several lifetimes of being single before you can really learn some the lessons you receive as a parent, mostly because a single person has no equivalent experience and substitutes aren't quite the same. That said, I do think there are some singles (mostly women) who are not in as much need of the same crucible experience as most men are to begin to bring out godlike attributes.
It is also important that you find the right person. I don't think there is a "one" right person, but there are a lot of wrong people so you do need to be selective and not just settle for what comes your way. That said, you can't just wait on the sidelines. You do need to exercise some faith and act accordingly or you will likely never find a spouse.
It's also important that you become the right person because no matter how cool the other person is, or how much you like or love them, you cannot change someone else. Only they can make changes. You need to love the person no matter their faults because it's very likely they either won't change, or it may take the rest of your lives before any change happens. If you don't like something about yourself, don't expect someone else to change it. Your change depends on you. That said, praying for a change of heart really does help. Plant the desire for change, and pray and work for it, and it will come. But in the end the change in you is dependent on you.
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