At the end of life
In the last six months my wife and I have attended four funerals. Her grandfather, one of my uncles, an elderly neighbor, and one of my wife's uncles are those who have passed on. The differences and similarities have been intriguing, and humbling.
My wife's father was an only child, and he passed away when my wife was a young child. My wife's grandmother passed away long before our marriage, and her mother passed on to the next life a few years ago. At her grandfather's funeral (he was in his mid-90's) the only family descendants were my wife and her siblings. There were some friends and a few extended family, but overall the funeral had few in attendance. The other notable difference was her grandfather was not a member of the Church, and so the funeral had a different feel to it. I had the impression the minister was a very good man, who was doing all he could, as well as he could, with the limited light and knowledge he had in his life.
In stark contrast, the next two funerals were full of family. The parents of the deceased had passed away many years prior. However, there were siblings, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and many friends who were in attendance.
My uncle was not very old when he passed on. But, there were lots of family in attendance. His own and extended.
Our neighbor was well into his 90's. The number of direct descendants was humbling. Among the grandchildren were great grandchildren, and, I think, even a few great-great children. There was sadness, but, as one son put it, the passing was like a graduation. It was a time to celebrate the life and family of this husband, father, grandfather, uncle, great-grandfather, great-uncle, and great-great-grandfather. The good influence this man had on generations of descendants was inspiring.
From my uncle's and neighbor's funerals, which happened within a very short time of each other, I realized in a new way the meaning of life, the purpose of family, and how we live on in the memories of those we leave behind--more so with family than with friends--and the joyous reunion it will be when we are all reunited after passing from mortality. The Great Plan of Happiness is about family. The Savior's atonement made it possible for our families to be reunited, to not just return to our Heavenly parents but to have our families from our mortal life also be with us.
As the prophet Joseph Smith stated, which we can read in Doctrine and Covenants section 130 verse 2:
Without children, who do we have to carry on our heritage? Who will remember us? Siblings will, but it won't be the same. They won't know know you as well as a child. They won't feel the selfless love and devotion you give to a child. They won't remember you as a loving parent. And they won't pass on this to their children because they don't know you that way.
Friends certainly won't pass on much in the way of memories of you to their children. And, not being family, those memories will not be the same.
Some have said that choosing a life of being single is selfish. It is, but there's worse, which I've alluded to. It's a sad life, especially when the end comes. It's a life with little legacy left, and that little quickly diminishes and can disappear with nobody to carry it on. It's also a short-sighted life, one without clarity of the big picture, the purpose of this mortal existence.
My wife's uncle, the last of the four to pass on, had a small memorial service. His wife didn't want to let people know because she didn't want to inconvenience them by thinking they needed to come to the funeral (memorial service--her husband didn't want a funeral). Even with the little knowledge people did come. There were not as many family as in the previous two funerals, partly because it wasn't well publicized.
With this service, the biggest difference was forgiveness. The deceased, while generous with his time and talents towards others, was very hard on his wife and children. It wasn't until the last years of his life that he seemed to realize, and understand, how his hard expectations and demands had damaged his relationships with his wife and children. He did change. But, what would have happened had he humbled himself sooner, and made those changes decades earlier in his life?
When we reach the end of life, who will be there to remember us? Friends are great, but beyond their friendship, will our life have an effect on their children? Or, their grandchildren?
My wife's grandparents chose to only have one child. There were some circumstances that influenced that decision, but they made that choice. How much different would life had been had my wife had cousins from that side of the family?
And there are many couples who make the choice to only have one or two children.
Having kids is inconvenient. It's noisy. It's messy. It costs a lot. It's nearly impossible to leave the house when you want to. Especially when the kids are young it feels like a major production to just run an errand with the kids in tow. And, they take a lot of time. More time than most single people realize.
But children are our future. Having children teaches us things we either didn't know, or thought we knew but realized we got it wrong. They teach us about ourselves.
Certainly we teach them, and, hopefully they learn to be good and kind, and to do their best. But, I think we parents learn more. As parents, we have the opportunity to really start to understand what our Heavenly parents experience. We have the opportunity to learn more about the nature of God and divinity than is ever possible being single. We experience and learn the nature of love, sacrifice, faith, hope, and charity. We begin to learn the attributes of godliness.
In some respects, being a parent might be compared to being in the crucible of godhood. We experience trials we didn't expect as a single person. We experience fears, anxieties, disappointment, and sadness that only other parents can truly understand. But, we can also experience happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, and joy that singles cannot.
Those who choose to be single, or to put off marriage and family until they are much older, are severely crippling their physical and spiritual development.
Yes, there are some who would not choose to be single, but they do not have the opportunity. This often happens because society doesn't offer them the chance, such as for women in a society where men are expected to initiate dating relationships and steps towards marriage.
And, there are some who, through various heartbreaking circumstances, are turned off of marriage and family. They give up the pursuit, and decide the life of being single is safer, easier, and better. But their choice is crippling their development in this life and the next.
As mentioned, the funerals of the past several months have made me reflect on how sad it will be for those who have not married, and for those who do not have children. Whether the failure to marry or to not have children is by choice or circumstance, it will be a truly sad funeral. Few will be there to remember them as family. Fewer still will remember them beyond a generation. They leave no lasting legacy. No inheritance for descendants.
The truly happy life is one, when it is complete, has been filled with family relationships. Yes, other relationships are good, but family is the purpose of this life. It is through family that we receive the greatest joy, and lasting, even eternal, relationships. I believe having our family relationships, particularly as parents to our children, "coupled with eternal glory" is incomprehensible to our mortal minds.
What can we learn from God the Father regarding children? We are his glory. We are the source of his joy. God told Moses:
So, if, in the eternal plan, family is the most important thing, wouldn't it make the most sense that, in this short span known as mortal life, our family should be our most important focus?
My wife's father was an only child, and he passed away when my wife was a young child. My wife's grandmother passed away long before our marriage, and her mother passed on to the next life a few years ago. At her grandfather's funeral (he was in his mid-90's) the only family descendants were my wife and her siblings. There were some friends and a few extended family, but overall the funeral had few in attendance. The other notable difference was her grandfather was not a member of the Church, and so the funeral had a different feel to it. I had the impression the minister was a very good man, who was doing all he could, as well as he could, with the limited light and knowledge he had in his life.
In stark contrast, the next two funerals were full of family. The parents of the deceased had passed away many years prior. However, there were siblings, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and many friends who were in attendance.
My uncle was not very old when he passed on. But, there were lots of family in attendance. His own and extended.
Our neighbor was well into his 90's. The number of direct descendants was humbling. Among the grandchildren were great grandchildren, and, I think, even a few great-great children. There was sadness, but, as one son put it, the passing was like a graduation. It was a time to celebrate the life and family of this husband, father, grandfather, uncle, great-grandfather, great-uncle, and great-great-grandfather. The good influence this man had on generations of descendants was inspiring.
From my uncle's and neighbor's funerals, which happened within a very short time of each other, I realized in a new way the meaning of life, the purpose of family, and how we live on in the memories of those we leave behind--more so with family than with friends--and the joyous reunion it will be when we are all reunited after passing from mortality. The Great Plan of Happiness is about family. The Savior's atonement made it possible for our families to be reunited, to not just return to our Heavenly parents but to have our families from our mortal life also be with us.
As the prophet Joseph Smith stated, which we can read in Doctrine and Covenants section 130 verse 2:
And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.I also realized the sad and stark contrast it will be with those who choose not to marry or to have kids, or who put marriage and family off until late in their life. Those who choose instead to pursue personal interests and ambitions, instead of sacrificing for a spouse and family, will have a brief moment of happiness in this life, but they will not experience lasting joy.
Without children, who do we have to carry on our heritage? Who will remember us? Siblings will, but it won't be the same. They won't know know you as well as a child. They won't feel the selfless love and devotion you give to a child. They won't remember you as a loving parent. And they won't pass on this to their children because they don't know you that way.
Friends certainly won't pass on much in the way of memories of you to their children. And, not being family, those memories will not be the same.
Some have said that choosing a life of being single is selfish. It is, but there's worse, which I've alluded to. It's a sad life, especially when the end comes. It's a life with little legacy left, and that little quickly diminishes and can disappear with nobody to carry it on. It's also a short-sighted life, one without clarity of the big picture, the purpose of this mortal existence.
My wife's uncle, the last of the four to pass on, had a small memorial service. His wife didn't want to let people know because she didn't want to inconvenience them by thinking they needed to come to the funeral (memorial service--her husband didn't want a funeral). Even with the little knowledge people did come. There were not as many family as in the previous two funerals, partly because it wasn't well publicized.
With this service, the biggest difference was forgiveness. The deceased, while generous with his time and talents towards others, was very hard on his wife and children. It wasn't until the last years of his life that he seemed to realize, and understand, how his hard expectations and demands had damaged his relationships with his wife and children. He did change. But, what would have happened had he humbled himself sooner, and made those changes decades earlier in his life?
When we reach the end of life, who will be there to remember us? Friends are great, but beyond their friendship, will our life have an effect on their children? Or, their grandchildren?
My wife's grandparents chose to only have one child. There were some circumstances that influenced that decision, but they made that choice. How much different would life had been had my wife had cousins from that side of the family?
And there are many couples who make the choice to only have one or two children.
Having kids is inconvenient. It's noisy. It's messy. It costs a lot. It's nearly impossible to leave the house when you want to. Especially when the kids are young it feels like a major production to just run an errand with the kids in tow. And, they take a lot of time. More time than most single people realize.
But children are our future. Having children teaches us things we either didn't know, or thought we knew but realized we got it wrong. They teach us about ourselves.
Certainly we teach them, and, hopefully they learn to be good and kind, and to do their best. But, I think we parents learn more. As parents, we have the opportunity to really start to understand what our Heavenly parents experience. We have the opportunity to learn more about the nature of God and divinity than is ever possible being single. We experience and learn the nature of love, sacrifice, faith, hope, and charity. We begin to learn the attributes of godliness.
In some respects, being a parent might be compared to being in the crucible of godhood. We experience trials we didn't expect as a single person. We experience fears, anxieties, disappointment, and sadness that only other parents can truly understand. But, we can also experience happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, and joy that singles cannot.
Those who choose to be single, or to put off marriage and family until they are much older, are severely crippling their physical and spiritual development.
Yes, there are some who would not choose to be single, but they do not have the opportunity. This often happens because society doesn't offer them the chance, such as for women in a society where men are expected to initiate dating relationships and steps towards marriage.
And, there are some who, through various heartbreaking circumstances, are turned off of marriage and family. They give up the pursuit, and decide the life of being single is safer, easier, and better. But their choice is crippling their development in this life and the next.
As mentioned, the funerals of the past several months have made me reflect on how sad it will be for those who have not married, and for those who do not have children. Whether the failure to marry or to not have children is by choice or circumstance, it will be a truly sad funeral. Few will be there to remember them as family. Fewer still will remember them beyond a generation. They leave no lasting legacy. No inheritance for descendants.
The truly happy life is one, when it is complete, has been filled with family relationships. Yes, other relationships are good, but family is the purpose of this life. It is through family that we receive the greatest joy, and lasting, even eternal, relationships. I believe having our family relationships, particularly as parents to our children, "coupled with eternal glory" is incomprehensible to our mortal minds.
What can we learn from God the Father regarding children? We are his glory. We are the source of his joy. God told Moses:
For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (Moses 1:39)Of course, in this context "man" refers to all men and women. And, we know all of us are spiritual children of God.
So, if, in the eternal plan, family is the most important thing, wouldn't it make the most sense that, in this short span known as mortal life, our family should be our most important focus?
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